Sharing Our Stories Of Loss

Photo credit: Joe Quint/It Takes Us

The following story originally posted on Huffington Post on December 15, 2016 and is being re-posted on Sodina with permission.

Valerie Jarrett spoke at the 2015 National Vigil to End Gun Violence where she told this story during the vigil. It wasn’t something she publicly discussed previously, it was powerful and moving. Unfortunately, it’s one of many stories that illustrate that having a gun in the home doesn’t make you safer, in fact it increases your risk and is more likely to be used against you or someone in the home. She spoke again at the 2016 National Vigil to End Gun Violence and published this story on Huffington Post the following day.

Sharing Our Stories Of Loss

Valerie Jarrett – Senior Advisor to the President and Chair of the White House Council on Women and Girls

Yesterday was the fourth anniversary of the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School that took the lives of 20 beautiful children and six inspiring educators. Last night, to honor their memory and rededicate ourselves to stopping the epidemic of gun violence that takes the lives of over 30,000 people in our country each year and injures tens of thousands more, I joined family members, advocates, faith leaders, and elected officials at the Vigil for Victims of Violence at St. Mark’s Episcopal Church in Washington.

We sang, danced, held each other tightly, and shared stories of loss, heartbreak, and wounds that will never heal, as well as of love, courage, and resilience. It was especially moving because their stories illustrated the ties that bind us to a club to which nobody wants to belong.

Photo Credit; Jeremy Saladyga

I didn’t have the strength to share my personal story last night as I had done there one year ago, but after listening to others very bravely do so, I found the courage to share mine again today.

Joyce Penebaker

Photo: Joe Quint
Photo courtesy of Khary Penebaker

I interviewed Khary Penebaker in the basement of his home in Wisconsin on a weeknight, where at times, you can hear his family going about their nightly routine. Khary’s mother died by suicide when he was twenty months old.  It took 36 years after her death until he started openly talking about his story.  In this interview, he talks about the fellow survivors that made him feel supported and safe enough to do so.

This is a longer interview with only some cosmetic editing, but breaks have been added (see below) to let you know what’s coming in the next segment. I encourage you to listen to the whole thing, even if it isn’t in one sitting, because as you’ll learn, Khary has a compelling and inspiring story. He is taking his advocacy to a level most wouldn’t consider.

Khary talks about what life was like growing up without his biological mom. His strength is evident as he discusses how sought help to deal with emotions he’d kept to himself all his life, how he deals with special days that can bring on enormous pain, and how he listens to and supports other survivors.

We discuss the work and strength of various survivors he’s met, motivated by helping other survivors through listening, connection and trying to save every day Americans from experiencing the violence they have been exposed to.

Khary is taking things a step further by running for Congress as a few people in the violence prevention movement have. In fact, Tom Sullivan of CO, The Sodina Project’s first interview, has since announced that he’s running for CO state senate. Khary is campaigning for Wisconsin’s 5^th congressional district against a 38 year incumbent, Jim Sensenbrenner.

Brief breaks and a preview of what’s in the next segment have been inserted in the interview at the following points: 19:40, 41:16 and 1:02:30

Accompanying music: Star Seed by Jennifer Zulli

Calls to action:

• The Sodina Project shares stories to foster connection and save lives. This grass-roots movement needs your help in connecting with others. Please share the stories and blog posts with your friends and social networks if they have moved you or made you reflective. You will find sharing options at the end of each post.
• Support Khary’s campaign for Congress
• Join Khary and others in one of the gun violence prevention organizations
• Get involved in brain health and/or suicide and injury prevention

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story or contact us here.

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Rebecca Eldemire | Domestic Violence

Photo courtesy of Charlie Allenson

In our latest interview, Charlie Allenson discusses the domestic violence situation that resulted in his niece’s murder. He talks about who his niece, Rebecca Eldemire was and what we all lost when she died. He explains what her parents, family and strangers are doing to fill her empty seat at the table by honoring her through the BEEPS Foundation. The BEEPS foundation is the Betterment for Environmental and Earth Protection. Since her murder, Charlie has become involved in gun violence prevention in an effort to save lives and spare others the pain he and his family are going through.

Listen to the interview about the domestic violence situation that took her life and how she is being honored:

Accompanying music: Star Seed by Jennifer Zulli

Calls to action:

• The Sodina Project shares stories to foster connection and save lives. This grass-roots movement needs your help in connecting with others. Please share the stories and blog posts with your friends and social networks if they move you or cause you to reflect. You will find sharing options at the end of each post.
• As Becca would say when things get stressful: “Just go outside and sit, breathe, look around, there’s so much to take in.”
• Join Charlie and others in the work being done by gun violence prevention organizations
• Get involved in brain health and/or suicide and injury prevention

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story or contact us here .

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John J. Campbell | Homicide w/ a Firearm

Photo courtesy of Tom Campbell

My story doesn’t quite fit today’s narrative as it’s a mix of inner city and old style ‘mass’ murder. Inner City in that my dad, John J. Campbell, was shot to death in NYC on Dec 23 1965 by a neighborhood punk who went on to kill 15 to 30 more people over the next 25 yrs, ie a serial killer. I was 17 at the time, second oldest of 7, the youngest being 2. It happened Christmas Eve in a local bar where dad stopped on his way home from the second shift (4-12). The shooter lived around the corner from us and the bar was around another corner so there was no more than a few hundred yards separating everything. Back then, the shooter was described as a JD – Juvenile Delinquent – and had already spent some time in detention centers for various offenses. That night he picked up his father’s police service revolver, left unlocked and loaded in a bureau drawer and walked out of his house. At 1AM, he entered the same bar and while the owner was shooting pool with another patron, Dad was shot.

Kirsten Hinckley and Carolyn Tuft (Photo courtesy of Carolyn Tuft)

This is a condensed interview with Carolyn Tuft. The majority of the interview is available in longer form beneath this one in this blog post. Carolyn was a single mother of four when she survived being shot three times in the Trolley Square Mall shooting in 2007. Sadly, she witnessed the death of her daughter Kirsten Hinckley as one of five victims and three other survivors that day.

We sat down in a friend’s kitchen weeks before she was invited to stand with other gun violence survivors behind President Obama as he announced his executive orders. Carolyn describes the event in detail and we share it not to be sensational, but so people might possibly grasp the horror of gun violence in the hopes of reducing it. WARNING: There are graphic descriptions of her and her daughter being shot at the 4 minute mark through 8:32. Skip this section if you want to avoid it.

Carolyn talks about what else she’s lost besides a daughter, and despite chronic pain, why she advocates to reduce gun violence.

Calls to action:

• The Sodina Project shares stories to foster connection and save lives. This grass-roots movement needs your help in connecting with others. Please share the stories and blog posts with your friends and social networks if they have moved you or made you reflective. You will find sharing options at the end of each post.
• Visit our gun violence/safety page to learn about and get involved with groups advocating for ways to reduce gun violence.

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story or contact us here .

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Accompanying music: Star Seed by Jennifer Zulli

Carolyn Tuft (in green) with President Obama at the announcement of his executive orders related to gun safety on January 5, 2016

This is the longer form interview with Carolyn Tuft where the conversation flows and has very little editing. A condensed version is posted above in this same blog. Carolyn was a single mother of four when she survived being shot three times in the Trolley Square Mall shooting in 2007. Sadly, she witnessed the death of her daughter Kirsten Hinckley as one of five victims and three other survivors that day.

We sat down in a friend’s kitchen weeks before she was invited to stand with other gun violence survivors behind President Obama as he announced his executive orders. Carolyn describes the shooting event in very graphic detail detail and we share it not to be sensational, but so people might possibly grasp the horror of gun violence in the hopes of reducing it. WARNING: There are graphic descriptions of her and her daughter being shot at the 7:16 mark through 13:09. Skip this section if you want to avoid it.

Kirsten was friendly, selfless, and wise beyond her fifteen years. She was a typical teenager with a messy room, wondering if she’d be asked to the prom and trying to figure out what her 16th birthday surprise might be. Despite her young age, she had her sights set on what she wanted to do in life. She wanted to be an architect, she had her school picked out and knew the requirements she’d have to meet to get in.

The impacts on Carolyn’s life beyond losing a daughter are immense. She describes what it’s like losing her business, health insurance, house, and credit, all due to her recovery, the injuries she sustained and her medical expenses. Despite all the physical and emotional pain, Carolyn offers advice for living and getting the most out of the life we have.

Call to action: Visit our gun violence/safety page to learn about and get involved with groups advocating for ways to reduce gun violence.

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story or contact us here .

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Accompanying music: Star Seed by Jennifer Zulli

Alex Sullivan | Mass Shooting

Tom & Alex Sullivan (Photo courtesy of Tom Sullivan)

Alex Sullivan was killed on July 20^th 2012 in the Aurora theater massacre, celebrating his 27^th birthday. In this interview, Tom talks about his relationship with Alex, what he does when he watches a movie at the theater. He reflects on what life is like today without Alex and what he would like America to know. Leaving the statistics to others, he shares the personal things he now knows as a father of a murder victim, all with a goal to get people talking, to get people to do something before they have a similar story to tell.

Since this interview was conducted, Tom announced that he’s running for the Colorado State Senate seat for district 27.

Calls to action:

• The Sodina Project shares stories to foster connection and save lives. This grass-roots movement needs your help in connecting with others. Please share the stories and blog posts with your friends and social networks if they have moved you or made you reflective. You will find sharing options at the end of each post.
• Consider supporting Tom in his bid for elected office
• Visit our gun violence/safety page to learn about and get involved with groups advocating for ways to reduce gun violence.

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story here .

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Avielle Rose Richman | Mass Shooting

Avielle Rose Richman (Photo courtesy of Jennifer Hensel)

This child was everything to my husband and me.  She was the essence of spirit, hope, and love.  She loved her family, her friends, and animals.  She sang and hummed so much so that her narrative of life was often in song, whether she was singing to us, or humming and singing to herself while engaged in play.  She loved to cook with her mom, run with her dad, develop imaginary worlds with her friends, she rode horses, ice skated, she dreamed of one day becoming an artist, she played with her cats and her dog, and snuggled into bed with her parents at night for a regular span of reading books. How does one encompass in written word a child, a loved one? It is difficult to list her many lovely qualities.  She was empathetic, kind, and  felt no one should be left alone, or out of the circle, and would invite strangers to play.  She was whip smart, and so poignantly funny that her parents would often laugh out loud many times a day.

Ask yourselves, what did the world lose when this child was murdered?  She could have been a doctor, a teacher, a best friend to someone in need.  She could have changed the world.  She changed ours, and those who knew and loved her know that emptiness now, acutely and strongly felt were her daily gifts. And now we are left feeling her unrealized potential, shattered and aching to hold her, to smell her, to hear her tinkling laughter, to converse with her.  Ask yourselves, what does the world lose when a child is murdered?  A community leader?  A teacher?  A doctor?  A scientist? A good parent?…’

– Jennifer Hensel

Calls to Action:

• The Sodina Project shares stories to foster connection and save lives. This grass-roots movement needs your help in connecting with others. Please share the stories and blog posts with your friends and social networks if they have moved you or made you reflective. You will find sharing options at the end of each post.
• Please visit The Avielle Foundation to learn about and support the they are doing in Avielle’s memory. You can also visit our brain health page to learn about The Avielle Foundation and other brain health related organizations.

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story here .

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