SODINA - Voices to Stop Violence
  • Home
  • Share Your Story
  • Stories
  • Story Gathering Events
  • Get Involved
    • Brain Health
    • Community
    • Gun Violence/Safety
    • Injury/Suicide Prevention
    • Policy
    • Victim Foundations/Assistance
    • Violence Prevention
  • Related Media
  • About/Contact Us & Thanks
Home
Share Your Story
Stories
Story Gathering Events
Get Involved
    Brain Health
    Community
    Gun Violence/Safety
    Injury/Suicide Prevention
    Policy
    Victim Foundations/Assistance
    Violence Prevention
Related Media
About/Contact Us & Thanks
  • Home
  • Share Your Story
  • Stories
  • Story Gathering Events
  • Get Involved
    • Brain Health
    • Community
    • Gun Violence/Safety
    • Injury/Suicide Prevention
    • Policy
    • Victim Foundations/Assistance
    • Violence Prevention
  • Related Media
  • About/Contact Us & Thanks
SODINA - Voices to Stop Violence
Blogroll, Editor's choice, Stories

Jeremy Richman, PhD

Lee Shull and Jeremy Richman somewhere in MA during Ragnar Cape Cod 2017

The following are my opening remarks (start in video at 14:00) from my friend Jeremy Richman’s Ceremony of Life Event on May 26, 2019:

https://www.facebook.com/AvielleFoundation/videos/2353109341574447/?sfnsw=cl

Jenn, Jeremy and I met because of 12/14, so I didn’t know them before the shooting, but what I came to know of them was an incredible sense of strength, connection, compassion and hope.

Jenn and Jer are such a source of inspiration to so many because of the hope they’ve portrayed.

But we know this comes at a cost trying to overcome the grief and counter it with hope, to not only be resilient, but attempting to understand and prevent future occurrences of violence.

I suspect that many in this room share some of my feelings, a mix of profound sadness, but also possibly mixed with anger, a sense of betrayal and confusion.

Here was a brilliant guy, passionate, compassionate, possessed of an awesome smile who pushed himself and everyone around him to grow, to find our crucible moments,   where we’d summon the courage and fortitude to try to accomplish something outside of our comfort zone, to tear our physical and/or psychological muscles enabling them to become stronger.

For me, there have been several crucible events over the years, challenging and supporting various ideas for the Sodina Project after they embraced it and offered it a home within The Aveille Foundation, Ragnar Relay Races, Tough Mudder, and a couple of Kung Fu Club sessions (for some strange reason, I liked the intense, almost vomit-inducing workouts (maybe it’s something about suffering together?), the getting kicked and punched in the head part? Yeah…not so much.

Given Jenn and Jer’s scientific backgrounds, Jer’s study of Neuropharmacology, and his ongoing thirst for knowledge, they taught us and gave us hope that we could better understand what goes on up here in our brains (pointing to head), to make the invisible, visible.

Jenn and Jeremy, through their founding of The Avielle Foundation,  are changing the narrative, promoting “Brain Health” (instead of mental health) and treating the brain like the complex organ that it is, not some mysterious enigma that the word “mental” seems to conjure.

They put complex brain and behavioral concepts into simple terms most of us can understand. Because of this hope, knowledge, and strength to continue after Avielle was murdered, perhaps we thought Jer was invincible.

For those that were close to him, you know how stubborn he could be.

Maybe he thought of himself as invincible?  Maybe he thought he could fight his way through it?

Maybe he sensed that’s how many people viewed him and he didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

Maybe he knew he wasn’t invincible, but he didn’t want to let on that he had his doubts and that he was struggling, he didn’t show us how vulnerable, how human he was.

A few people in this room unfortunately know the pain of having a child violently taken from them, they’re living with it every day. 

But the vast majority of us in this room can only imagine the toll it must have taken to endure the loss of your only child at the time, seeking ways to prevent violence, constantly speaking about it, telling your story, listening to and absorbing the stories of loss from other survivors, it’s more than anyone should bear.

Despite all of this, here was a guy who worked to reduce the stigma of brain illness and taught brain health first aid to our community so we were better prepared to help someone displaying signs they might be in crisis, so Jer knew better than most, what the signs were and this is what makes his death by suicide so shocking.

And because he educated us, Jenn and many friends around him, saw some of those signs and they did what they were supposed to try to help him. To anyone who questions whether they could’ve prevented this, to get him the help he needed? You did and said the right things to help him, You did and said the right things to help him.

Jeremy would not let himself be vulnerable enough to seek the help he needed.

So where I’ve arrived in my thinking is this: The Jeremy that died by suicide was not the Jeremy I knew when I met him over six years ago. He wasn’t the Jeremy that his family, and friends from Denver, Tucson, Nashville, San Diego and Newtown knew.

Perhaps, there was a stubbornness that he was strong enough to cope with it all, or he was struggling but couldn’t or wouldn’t admit it to us, combined with the fact that he had a brain illness, whether it was depression and/or PTSD. It could have been one or both of those, but he couldn’t or wouldn’t seek the help he needed.

It all points to the insidious nature of brain illnesses that took over the Jeremy we knew and loved and it:

Robbed him of the strength to ask for help

Robbed him of the ability to find some beauty within each day

Robbed him of the joy his children Immy and Owen brought him

It robbed him of hope.

I’m not angry with Jeremy anymore, I empathize with the fact that he suffered from a brain illness that he could not, or would not seek help for.

I’m sad for him, his family and his friends, that he couldn’t get the help he needed.

This is the why the work that Jenn and Jer started in the hours after they were robbed of Avielle, the founding and mission of The Avielle Foundation “to prevent violence and build compassion through neuroscience research, community engagement, and education”, in Avielle’s honor is so crucial to continue in her name, but also so crucial to continue now in Jeremy’s honor as well.

Please join me for a moment of silence.

FacebookTwitterPinterestGoogle +Stumbleupon
Blogroll

Required: Listening

Empathy, Listening

Photo Credit (unchanged): Crystal Coleman https://www.flickr.com/photos/thatgirlcrystal/6660793217

Required: Listening (as a start to empathy)

Three days after the inauguration and two days after the worldwide “women’s” marches, it is clear we are not listening to each other, instead, we are talking past or posting past each other on social media. Recent social media posts and comments wonder why there is a need to march or condemn those who are marching, while conveniently forgetting the protests with hateful, racist signs, acts of hanging and burning effigies after Obama’s elections. People misunderstand the reasons for marching by posting: “shut up and get over it, he won, you lost”, “give the man a chance, it’s only been one day”, “the signs with the p-word and pink hats are rude”. The latter ignoring the use of the p-word against him originated with the President himself, bragging about getting away with sexual assault because when you’re a star “you can do anything”. The President’s most ardent supporters broadly label the people that marched not just for women’s rights, but human rights as “liberal” which, seems to be an increasingly negative connotation.

Feeling Marginalized

There are multitudes of reasons why the minority of the popular vote, voted for our President, but let’s assume they were mainly economic reasons.

Continue reading

FacebookTwitterPinterestGoogle +Stumbleupon
Blogroll

Surviving Myself – Andrew Willis

Surviving Myself – Andrew Willis (ACE Study)

Photo courtesy of Andrew Willis

Photo courtesy of Andrew Willis

Dr. Jeremy Richman Ph.D., founder of The Avielle Foundation discusses Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE’s) in his presentation The Science of Violence and Compassion, as a factor that could lead to violent or aggressive behavior. The following guest blog from Andrew Willis’ first-hand experience confronting his own ACE’s originally appeared on the Stop Abuse Campaign blog series and is from his 2015 speech at the Stand Up For Passion event in NYC.

It was a great job.  Jetsetting around the world, managing integrated marketing communications for global brands like Citi, IBM and HP.  The cliche, “It’s Hong Kong, it must be Monday” and stopover weekends in attractive cities my reality.

I returned home to a beautiful 6,000 square foot stone house in Connecticut, my wife and two children.  An ideal life. Work hard. Play hard. Good friends. Great family. Two vacations a year; sailing in the summer, skiing in winter. Church on Sundays.

Then I woke up.

Staring into the bright clinical lights of the Very Intensive Care Unit in a hospital far from home. I’d swallowed 300 Tylenol PM and wished the world goodbye. Almost a week before.

Leather straps hung off my bed by my feet and arms where they secured me.

My veins had coursed with crystal meth. My arms… bruised and punctured. My goodbyes said, not heard.

I had never even smoked weed until I was over 50. Taking drugs was my way of medicating away the pain and humiliation of remembering my youth. Still today much of my childhood years are cloaked under the shrouds of secrecy that protect our sanity but drive our depression.

Why? I had to know why this happened to me. Was it just my bad choices or was something else at play. I guess I went in search of excuses – but I found answers. I found I was not the only one. In fact I was no different to about a quarter of people. One in four of you in this room is hiding a secret from childhood.

My search for the answer, combined with the love of my two boys, family and friends has kept me alive.

My search initially led me to the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACE Study). A massive study of childhood trauma and its impact on health carried out by Kaiser Permanente with the CDC.

Continue reading

FacebookTwitterPinterestGoogle +Stumbleupon
Blogroll

Project Longevity

Project Longevity

Project Longevity2 Nineteen young men with criminal records who topped the current list for most likely to be shot or of shooting someone else were ushered into a room of standing community members, service providers and law enforcement and then seated in the center-front rows. Eight people stood opposite them and once everyone sat, the Bridgeport Program Lead addressed the men with the basic messages for the meeting:

  • Violence will no longer be tolerated in our community and must stop
  • Individuals involved in group/gang activity are encouraged to become productive, positive members of the community
  • A range of services will be offered to them if they make the choice to transition from the group/gang lifestyle

He then turned it over to the panel who, one by one spoke to the men from their perspective.

Continue reading

FacebookTwitterPinterestGoogle +Stumbleupon
Blogroll

Please Silence Your Phones and Be Aware of Suspicious People

AMC photo We are being swallowed by a culture of fear as our sense of safety and security erodes every day. How will this fear affect our younger generation and the prospects for our country? What can we do about it?

I settled into my seat last Sunday, days before Regal Cinema’s announcement to check moviegoer’s bags. I checked the locations of the exits in case of an emergency. I know my wife was doing the same. I wondered if my 15 years olds were too or if they were as anxious as I was. Were they looking at the people already seated and the ones coming in, as I was? I’d hoped not, I hoped they were just looking forward to the movie at our local AMC Theater. The announcements started with scenes of the silly animated red characters and accompanying voice-over, “please silence your phones, don’t use your phone to text, and don’t talk as this will distract others.”  But then the usual cartoon animation of colliding cows riding in cars stopped, where the voice-over used to say ‘in the event of a cow collision or emergency, please walk to nearest exit…’ The animated scene had been replaced by bold red text and I’m paraphrasing here, to “be aware of suspicious people, if you see someone suspicious, notify the staff.” It continued with “in the case of an emergency walk to the nearest exit and once outside, move as far away as possible.” Being told to walk to the nearest exit and moving far away (also new instructions at least in the last year), has taken on an entirely different meaning since the Aurora, and Lafayette theater shootings and an axe attack in Tennessee.

Maybe we can expect the next version of the movie theater message to sound similar to airplane crash procedures, “In the event of an active shooter, your seat-back can be removed and used as a bullet-proof shield.”

Continue reading

FacebookTwitterPinterestGoogle +Stumbleupon
Blogroll

Moving from “Me” to “We”

Moving from me to we. Fostering empathy and compassion.

(Photo courtesy of https://www.flickr.com/photos/19779889@N00/ quote added by SODINA)

(Photo courtesy of https://www.flickr.com/photos/19779889@N00/ quote added by SODINA)

It’s not about me. It’s not about you. It’s about us.

We’re here for a very brief period. Although we are ultimately responsible only for ourselves, we do not walk alone on this earth. We rely on each other for companionship and survival.

I live in Newtown, CT and have many questions stemming from the mass murder that occurred here. I never imagined it could happen here, in my neighborhood. Violence is not as remote as it once was. I continue to be horrified, angry, and feel profound sadness for the victims, their families and each degree of separation outward from this massive epicenter. How did we as a country, a community, a neighborhood, a family, a person, allow this to happen? Obviously, no one with implicit knowledge of what would occur would have allowed such an unspeakable act. You wonder about all the potential steps along the way of a person’s life where someone could have changed one thing that may have made a difference and kept the killer from picking up a gun that day or any day. Could the course of events have been altered to the extent that this tragedy possibly would never have happened?

It felt like we as a society have failed so many people along the way, and in small ways we fail a little every day. We also succeed in small ways every day. Can we increase our successes and decrease our failures at a more rapid pace in our struggle to creating cultural change and a more peaceful world?

Continue reading

FacebookTwitterPinterestGoogle +Stumbleupon
Blogroll

What Do Labels Say About Us?

What Do Labels Say About Us-

I was staring out the window where, 24 hours earlier, I had watched the SWAT truck, with its team hanging off, clad in body armor and rifles at the ready, drive down my street. In the background, I could see helicopters fly over the Sandy Hook Elementary School searching for more shooters. I can only describe the feeling as a sense or recognition that I was human, sharing a common bond with others.  I distinctly remember, strange as it may sound, shedding any sense of idolization of others, we’re all human.

You and me? We’re the same.

At the most basic of levels, we are the same. We share 99.9% of our DNA. Yet, despite a relatively short amount of time on this planet and no guarantee of a tomorrow, we seem to be geared more towards competition rather than cooperation and collaboration, and we tend to focus on only the 0.1% that makes us different.

We’re brought into this world with an absolutely clean slate, blissfully unaware, innocent, a complete lack of knowledge–let alone any control over who raises us or how. At some point we begin to learn about our perceived differences, whether it’s our gender, ethnicity, socio-economic “status,” values, etc. These labels become ingrained in us. Sometimes they define us. But while we may accept the labels or the perceived differences on some level, we can paradoxically, and maybe conveniently, disregard them on another level when we assume that everyone should think or act the way we do.

Continue reading

FacebookTwitterPinterestGoogle +Stumbleupon

Donate to the Sodina Project

Donations to the Sodina project within The Avielle Foundation are tax-deductible

Categories

Recent Posts

  • Jeremy Richman, PhD
  • Required: Listening
  • Chris Groener – Suicide
  • Valerie Jarrett’s Grandfather | Homicide w/a Firearm
  • Carlos Peney Mose | Homicide w/a Firearm

Recent Comments