The following are my opening remarks (start in video at 14:00) from my friend Jeremy Richman’s Ceremony of Life Event on May 26, 2019:

Jenn, Jeremy and I met because of 12/14, so I didn’t know them before the shooting, but what I came to know of them was an incredible sense of strength, connection, compassion and hope.

Jenn and Jer are such a source of inspiration to so many because of the hope they’ve portrayed.

But we know this comes at a cost trying to overcome the grief and counter it with hope, to not only be resilient, but attempting to understand and prevent future occurrences of violence.

I suspect that many in this room share some of my feelings, a mix of profound sadness, but also possibly mixed with anger, a sense of betrayal and confusion.

Here was a brilliant guy, passionate, compassionate, possessed of an awesome smile who pushed himself and everyone around him to grow, to find our crucible moments,   where we’d summon the courage and fortitude to try to accomplish something outside of our comfort zone, to tear our physical and/or psychological muscles enabling them to become stronger.

For me, there have been several crucible events over the years, challenging and supporting various ideas for the Sodina Project after they embraced it and offered it a home within The Aveille Foundation, Ragnar Relay Races, Tough Mudder, and a couple of Kung Fu Club sessions (for some strange reason, I liked the intense, almost vomit-inducing workouts (maybe it’s something about suffering together?), the getting kicked and punched in the head part? Yeah…not so much.

Given Jenn and Jer’s scientific backgrounds, Jer’s study of Neuropharmacology, and his ongoing thirst for knowledge, they taught us and gave us hope that we could better understand what goes on up here in our brains (pointing to head), to make the invisible, visible.

Jenn and Jeremy, through their founding of The Avielle Foundation,  are changing the narrative, promoting “Brain Health” (instead of mental health) and treating the brain like the complex organ that it is, not some mysterious enigma that the word “mental” seems to conjure.

They put complex brain and behavioral concepts into simple terms most of us can understand. Because of this hope, knowledge, and strength to continue after Avielle was murdered, perhaps we thought Jer was invincible.

For those that were close to him, you know how stubborn he could be.

Maybe he thought of himself as invincible?  Maybe he thought he could fight his way through it?

Maybe he sensed that’s how many people viewed him and he didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

Maybe he knew he wasn’t invincible, but he didn’t want to let on that he had his doubts and that he was struggling, he didn’t show us how vulnerable, how human he was.

A few people in this room unfortunately know the pain of having a child violently taken from them, they’re living with it every day. 

But the vast majority of us in this room can only imagine the toll it must have taken to endure the loss of your only child at the time, seeking ways to prevent violence, constantly speaking about it, telling your story, listening to and absorbing the stories of loss from other survivors, it’s more than anyone should bear.

Despite all of this, here was a guy who worked to reduce the stigma of brain illness and taught brain health first aid to our community so we were better prepared to help someone displaying signs they might be in crisis, so Jer knew better than most, what the signs were and this is what makes his death by suicide so shocking.

And because he educated us, Jenn and many friends around him, saw some of those signs and they did what they were supposed to try to help him. To anyone who questions whether they could’ve prevented this, to get him the help he needed? You did and said the right things to help him, You did and said the right things to help him.

Jeremy would not let himself be vulnerable enough to seek the help he needed.

So where I’ve arrived in my thinking is this: The Jeremy that died by suicide was not the Jeremy I knew when I met him over six years ago. He wasn’t the Jeremy that his family, and friends from Denver, Tucson, Nashville, San Diego and Newtown knew.

Perhaps, there was a stubbornness that he was strong enough to cope with it all, or he was struggling but couldn’t or wouldn’t admit it to us, combined with the fact that he had a brain illness, whether it was depression and/or PTSD. It could have been one or both of those, but he couldn’t or wouldn’t seek the help he needed.

It all points to the insidious nature of brain illnesses that took over the Jeremy we knew and loved and it:

Robbed him of the strength to ask for help

Robbed him of the ability to find some beauty within each day

Robbed him of the joy his children Immy and Owen brought him

It robbed him of hope.

I’m not angry with Jeremy anymore, I empathize with the fact that he suffered from a brain illness that he could not, or would not seek help for.

I’m sad for him, his family and his friends, that he couldn’t get the help he needed.

This is the why the work that Jenn and Jer started in the hours after they were robbed of Avielle, the founding and mission of The Avielle Foundation “to prevent violence and build compassion through neuroscience research, community engagement, and education”, in Avielle’s honor is so crucial to continue in her name, but also so crucial to continue now in Jeremy’s honor as well.

Please join me for a moment of silence.

Photo courtesy of Anne Groener

In this video interview, Sodina volunteer, Scott Wolfman, interviews Anne Groener. Anne discusses the circumstances around her son Chris’ death by suicide. Diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and depression at an early age, she discusses how smart, funny and frustrating he could be at times.

Anne talks about how the support and ties of their family has strengthened since his passing. This strength was tested as her nephew Cory also died by suicide. Chris had attempted suicide previously so Anne and her husband had watched for signs of crisis. Cory’s death by suicide came as a complete shock to the family and left them guessing for reasons.

Anne talks about dealing with the “what-ifs” and what life is like without Chris, imagining what he would be like today and the potential that was lost. She shares her thoughts on her involvement in suicide prevention advocacy and awareness. Someday, the advocates’ hard work will pay off and she advises people to love stronger and better, to talk about things that make us uncomfortable.

She discusses the value of community, connection, empathy and compassion. Awareness is key if you know someone is fragile or struggling and, if you sense something could be wrong, you can try to find a way to reach out.

Anne is involved with Southern Connecticut chapter of The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Here’s a link to the chapter page to learn more about the work they do and donate if you feel moved to do so.

Thank you to Phil Keane at Blue Sky Farm Productions and Garrett Udhe for the video!

Photo courtesy of Anne Groener

Calls to action:

• Visit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) or other organizations on our injury/suicide prevention page to learn more about preventing injuries and suicide.
• The Sodina Project shares stories to foster connection and save lives. This grass-roots movement needs your help in connecting with others. Please share the stories and blog posts with your friends and social networks if they have moved you or made you reflective. You will find sharing options at the end of each post.

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story here.

Sodina | Voices to Stop Violence

#Sodina | #Voicestostopviolence

Sharing Our Stories Of Loss

Photo credit: Joe Quint/It Takes Us

The following story originally posted on Huffington Post on December 15, 2016 and is being re-posted on Sodina with permission.

Valerie Jarrett spoke at the 2015 National Vigil to End Gun Violence where she told this story during the vigil. It wasn’t something she publicly discussed previously, it was powerful and moving. Unfortunately, it’s one of many stories that illustrate that having a gun in the home doesn’t make you safer, in fact it increases your risk and is more likely to be used against you or someone in the home. She spoke again at the 2016 National Vigil to End Gun Violence and published this story on Huffington Post the following day.

Sharing Our Stories Of Loss

Valerie Jarrett – Senior Advisor to the President and Chair of the White House Council on Women and Girls

Yesterday was the fourth anniversary of the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School that took the lives of 20 beautiful children and six inspiring educators. Last night, to honor their memory and rededicate ourselves to stopping the epidemic of gun violence that takes the lives of over 30,000 people in our country each year and injures tens of thousands more, I joined family members, advocates, faith leaders, and elected officials at the Vigil for Victims of Violence at St. Mark’s Episcopal Church in Washington.

We sang, danced, held each other tightly, and shared stories of loss, heartbreak, and wounds that will never heal, as well as of love, courage, and resilience. It was especially moving because their stories illustrated the ties that bind us to a club to which nobody wants to belong.

Photo Credit; Jeremy Saladyga

I didn’t have the strength to share my personal story last night as I had done there one year ago, but after listening to others very bravely do so, I found the courage to share mine again today.

Carlos Peney Mose

The massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary was the catalyst for my activism, but another personal connection to a violent death of a Navajo guide inspired the Sodina name. The word for constellation in Navajo is: “So’ Dine’é.” It means “Star People.” You can learn more about the Sodina name and project here.

Our family took a driving trip around the southwest the summer of 2011 . While the Anasazi cliff dwellings and the Grand Canyon were awe-inspiring, however, the highlight of our trip was a tour and overnight stay in Monument Valley.

Over the course of twenty four hours, we made a connection with with our guide. Carlos, a photographer and Navajo guide hesitated at one point and offered a diversion from his usual tour behind the public access roads of his Navajo land. We parked and walked to a rock formation where he showed us rock carvings and hand prints. He then played a few flutes, a drum and sang. As he began to play the first flute song, a grazing cow joined us inside the formation and drank from a pool of water in between Carlos and us. It was a spiritual moment.

As we walked back to the truck, we started talking about his challenges, those of his family and the Navajo people. The topic came up a few times over the course of our tour. He seemed to walk a fine line between his Native American heritage and the “modern” world, which was sometimes at odds with family and friends. One point of contention was whether to share their sacred land with outsiders in order to make money to sustain themselves. Carlos was torn between two worlds he valued and honored and tried to satisfy both to the best of his ability. The beautiful landscape, hospitality, and especially the personal connection with our guide, made this the highlight of our trip.

Another Death

Sometime after the shooting in Newtown, a friend called the tour company requesting Carlos as their guide. She learned and sadly relayed to us that Carlos had been shot and killed in a domestic violence incident. Our family now knew another victim of a violent death.

Calls to action:

• The Sodina Project shares stories to foster connection and save lives. This grass-roots movement needs your help in connecting with others. Please share the stories and blog posts with your friends and social networks if they have moved you or made you reflective. You will find sharing options at the end of each post.
• Visit our gun violence/safety page to learn about and get involved with groups advocating for ways to reduce gun violence.

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story or contact us here .

Sodina | Voices to Stop Violence

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Joyce Penebaker

Photo: Joe Quint
Photo courtesy of Khary Penebaker

I interviewed Khary Penebaker in the basement of his home in Wisconsin on a weeknight, where at times, you can hear his family going about their nightly routine. Khary’s mother died by suicide when he was twenty months old.  It took 36 years after her death until he started openly talking about his story.  In this interview, he talks about the fellow survivors that made him feel supported and safe enough to do so.

This is a longer interview with only some cosmetic editing, but breaks have been added (see below) to let you know what’s coming in the next segment. I encourage you to listen to the whole thing, even if it isn’t in one sitting, because as you’ll learn, Khary has a compelling and inspiring story. He is taking his advocacy to a level most wouldn’t consider.

Khary talks about what life was like growing up without his biological mom. His strength is evident as he discusses how sought help to deal with emotions he’d kept to himself all his life, how he deals with special days that can bring on enormous pain, and how he listens to and supports other survivors.

We discuss the work and strength of various survivors he’s met, motivated by helping other survivors through listening, connection and trying to save every day Americans from experiencing the violence they have been exposed to.

Khary is taking things a step further by running for Congress as a few people in the violence prevention movement have. In fact, Tom Sullivan of CO, The Sodina Project’s first interview, has since announced that he’s running for CO state senate. Khary is campaigning for Wisconsin’s 5^th congressional district against a 38 year incumbent, Jim Sensenbrenner.

Brief breaks and a preview of what’s in the next segment have been inserted in the interview at the following points: 19:40, 41:16 and 1:02:30

Accompanying music: Star Seed by Jennifer Zulli

Calls to action:

• The Sodina Project shares stories to foster connection and save lives. This grass-roots movement needs your help in connecting with others. Please share the stories and blog posts with your friends and social networks if they have moved you or made you reflective. You will find sharing options at the end of each post.
• Support Khary’s campaign for Congress
• Join Khary and others in one of the gun violence prevention organizations
• Get involved in brain health and/or suicide and injury prevention

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story or contact us here.

Sodina | Voices to Stop Violence

#Sodina | #Voicestostopviolence

Rebecca Eldemire | Domestic Violence

Photo courtesy of Charlie Allenson

In our latest interview, Charlie Allenson discusses the domestic violence situation that resulted in his niece’s murder. He talks about who his niece, Rebecca Eldemire was and what we all lost when she died. He explains what her parents, family and strangers are doing to fill her empty seat at the table by honoring her through the BEEPS Foundation. The BEEPS foundation is the Betterment for Environmental and Earth Protection. Since her murder, Charlie has become involved in gun violence prevention in an effort to save lives and spare others the pain he and his family are going through.

Listen to the interview about the domestic violence situation that took her life and how she is being honored:

Accompanying music: Star Seed by Jennifer Zulli

Calls to action:

• The Sodina Project shares stories to foster connection and save lives. This grass-roots movement needs your help in connecting with others. Please share the stories and blog posts with your friends and social networks if they move you or cause you to reflect. You will find sharing options at the end of each post.
• As Becca would say when things get stressful: “Just go outside and sit, breathe, look around, there’s so much to take in.”
• Join Charlie and others in the work being done by gun violence prevention organizations
• Get involved in brain health and/or suicide and injury prevention

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story or contact us here .

Sodina | Voices to Stop Violence

#Sodina | #Voicestostopviolence

John J. Campbell | Homicide w/ a Firearm

Photo courtesy of Tom Campbell

My story doesn’t quite fit today’s narrative as it’s a mix of inner city and old style ‘mass’ murder. Inner City in that my dad, John J. Campbell, was shot to death in NYC on Dec 23 1965 by a neighborhood punk who went on to kill 15 to 30 more people over the next 25 yrs, ie a serial killer. I was 17 at the time, second oldest of 7, the youngest being 2. It happened Christmas Eve in a local bar where dad stopped on his way home from the second shift (4-12). The shooter lived around the corner from us and the bar was around another corner so there was no more than a few hundred yards separating everything. Back then, the shooter was described as a JD – Juvenile Delinquent – and had already spent some time in detention centers for various offenses. That night he picked up his father’s police service revolver, left unlocked and loaded in a bureau drawer and walked out of his house. At 1AM, he entered the same bar and while the owner was shooting pool with another patron, Dad was shot.

Kirsten Hinckley and Carolyn Tuft (Photo courtesy of Carolyn Tuft)

This is a condensed interview with Carolyn Tuft. The majority of the interview is available in longer form beneath this one in this blog post. Carolyn was a single mother of four when she survived being shot three times in the Trolley Square Mall shooting in 2007. Sadly, she witnessed the death of her daughter Kirsten Hinckley as one of five victims and three other survivors that day.

We sat down in a friend’s kitchen weeks before she was invited to stand with other gun violence survivors behind President Obama as he announced his executive orders. Carolyn describes the event in detail and we share it not to be sensational, but so people might possibly grasp the horror of gun violence in the hopes of reducing it. WARNING: There are graphic descriptions of her and her daughter being shot at the 4 minute mark through 8:32. Skip this section if you want to avoid it.

Carolyn talks about what else she’s lost besides a daughter, and despite chronic pain, why she advocates to reduce gun violence.

Calls to action:

• The Sodina Project shares stories to foster connection and save lives. This grass-roots movement needs your help in connecting with others. Please share the stories and blog posts with your friends and social networks if they have moved you or made you reflective. You will find sharing options at the end of each post.
• Visit our gun violence/safety page to learn about and get involved with groups advocating for ways to reduce gun violence.

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story or contact us here .

Sodina | Voices to Stop Violence

#Sodina | #Voicestostopviolence

Accompanying music: Star Seed by Jennifer Zulli

Carolyn Tuft (in green) with President Obama at the announcement of his executive orders related to gun safety on January 5, 2016

This is the longer form interview with Carolyn Tuft where the conversation flows and has very little editing. A condensed version is posted above in this same blog. Carolyn was a single mother of four when she survived being shot three times in the Trolley Square Mall shooting in 2007. Sadly, she witnessed the death of her daughter Kirsten Hinckley as one of five victims and three other survivors that day.

We sat down in a friend’s kitchen weeks before she was invited to stand with other gun violence survivors behind President Obama as he announced his executive orders. Carolyn describes the shooting event in very graphic detail detail and we share it not to be sensational, but so people might possibly grasp the horror of gun violence in the hopes of reducing it. WARNING: There are graphic descriptions of her and her daughter being shot at the 7:16 mark through 13:09. Skip this section if you want to avoid it.

Kirsten was friendly, selfless, and wise beyond her fifteen years. She was a typical teenager with a messy room, wondering if she’d be asked to the prom and trying to figure out what her 16th birthday surprise might be. Despite her young age, she had her sights set on what she wanted to do in life. She wanted to be an architect, she had her school picked out and knew the requirements she’d have to meet to get in.

The impacts on Carolyn’s life beyond losing a daughter are immense. She describes what it’s like losing her business, health insurance, house, and credit, all due to her recovery, the injuries she sustained and her medical expenses. Despite all the physical and emotional pain, Carolyn offers advice for living and getting the most out of the life we have.

Call to action: Visit our gun violence/safety page to learn about and get involved with groups advocating for ways to reduce gun violence.

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story or contact us here .

Sodina | Voices to Stop Violence

# Sodina | #Voicestostopviolence

Accompanying music: Star Seed by Jennifer Zulli

Glenn Winuk | 9/11 | World Trade Center

Glenn Winuk (Photo courtesy of Jay S. Winuk)

Jay S. Winuk is president of the public relations firm Winuk Communications, Inc.  and the co-founder and executive vice president of the nonprofit MyGoodDeed. This article was adapted for Constitution Daily from one Jay originally wrote for Yahoo News for the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attack on our nation. 

Somehow, 10 years have come and gone since my brave younger brother Glenn was murdered by terrorists on September 11, 2001. The shock goes away, I guess, and some of the pain, perhaps, but not so much, really. Especially now, as this historic milestone approaches. How should we pay tribute to those we lost and those who responded?

The White House recently issued guidelines on how to commemorate the 10-year anniversary of 9/11 with instructions to honor the memory of those who died on American soil through national service and to thank those in the military, law enforcement, intelligence and homeland security for their contributions since.

Active citizenship is indeed the way I have chosen to honor my brother and all  those who were lost and those who rose in service in response to the attacks.

Glenn was a partner at the law firm Holland & Knight, at the time located just a block from what we now call Ground Zero. A 20-year volunteer firefighter and EMT in our hometown of Jericho, NY, Glenn sprung into action when the Towers were hit. He helped evacuate his colleagues, and then raced toward the South Tower, running into the towering inferno to save lives.

Glenn was an active citizen – someone who fulfilled both his rights and responsibilities. Glenn did what firefighters do, and what he had done for two decades. Just 40 years old when he died, his partial remains were recovered in March 2002, medic bag by his side. A true American hero had perished, along with a horrifying number of others.

Glenn was a remarkable person, as giving a man as I have ever known. He always went out of his way for people, and not just as an attorney and firefighter. Taking care of others, doing good deeds, just came naturally to him. It gave him great satisfaction. As brothers, we were very close. We attended the same college, shared many of the same friends and spent many happy times together. Losing Glenn, especially in this way, hurts every day.

How best to honor those lost and, for that matter, those who rose in service to get our nation back on its feet in the aftermath of the attacks? What could we do to ensure they would not be forgotten by future generations?

My friend David Paine called me with an idea soon after the carnage. Let’s make 9/11 a national day of service. Let’s turn the tables, and make 9/11 about acts of kindness and charity and volunteerism in tribute to those who were killed. Sounded just right to me, and to each and every 9/11 family member we canvassed about it.

David and I co-founded the nonprofit MyGoodDeed in 2003, encouraging people to visit our web site and register a pledge to honor the victims with acts of kindness toward others, each and every 9/11 anniversary.

Alex Sullivan | Mass Shooting

Tom & Alex Sullivan (Photo courtesy of Tom Sullivan)

Alex Sullivan was killed on July 20^th 2012 in the Aurora theater massacre, celebrating his 27^th birthday. In this interview, Tom talks about his relationship with Alex, what he does when he watches a movie at the theater. He reflects on what life is like today without Alex and what he would like America to know. Leaving the statistics to others, he shares the personal things he now knows as a father of a murder victim, all with a goal to get people talking, to get people to do something before they have a similar story to tell.

Since this interview was conducted, Tom announced that he’s running for the Colorado State Senate seat for district 27.

Calls to action:

• The Sodina Project shares stories to foster connection and save lives. This grass-roots movement needs your help in connecting with others. Please share the stories and blog posts with your friends and social networks if they have moved you or made you reflective. You will find sharing options at the end of each post.
• Consider supporting Tom in his bid for elected office
• Visit our gun violence/safety page to learn about and get involved with groups advocating for ways to reduce gun violence.

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story here .

Sodina | Voices to Stop Violence

#Sodina | #Voicestostopviolence

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